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I'm stuck in a moment and can't get out of it
 should i go to school or stay where i am

I CAN'T DECIDE 

Jul. 25th, 2010

I cannot wait to go back to my home in Toronto. So excited for my concert. I believe after seeing them I will be complete <3. Then my birthday. Hopefully August is a much better month then July was. I can't believe that the summer is almost over. Although if I do say, I am very excited for September :) :) .
I am positive, and happy unlike other people may think. I am doing better then I have been in a long time.

I just hate the fact that I am in Oville.. The place where my past just looks me in the face and won't disappear. I have been running away from it for the past ... I don't know... four years or something.

I miss people.
This thing is so old, and so full of memories. I bet nobody even reads these anymore. With facebook and all. I am stuck in Oville this summer. Which I guess is a blessing and a curse all in one. I miss my etobicoke home so badly, and just want school to start so that I can go back and learn! lol. Sound like such a nerd. Babysitting throughout the day allows me to start day dreaming.
i am so sick and tired of everybody. i hate the drama that is simply why i pulled myself out. i love all of you.
you know why i did what i did. i simply couldnt take it anymore. wanting to try, but not wanting to try because i know how pointless and worthless my efforts are.
my door is always open to you. all of you. but i just couldnt take it anymore at that moment. i wanted to be happy.

Nov. 13th, 2008

so here i am. in toronto. about to see my favorite for the third time. and i realize finally how happy and put together my life is finally becoming. i am happy. actually happy. i have a person in my life who is absolutely the most amazing human being i have ever met. it is just so strange how we are so alike and click so perfectly together. i am sorry if it seems like i am bragging about how happy i am and how good my life is becoming. but i am sick of complaining. and being in that place where everything sucks.

Time is a funny thing

I don't understand how after two years things have just disappeared. They've turned into fights and silence. I always thought that things were different. But evidentley they are not. Inseperable is what we used to be and now we're lucky if we can even get through a month without arguing. I have learned that this are not worth my time, and clearly there are more important things and people you must tend to. 
After everything that we've been through its just hard for me to see that it means nothing after all these years. 
You can't have it both ways.

Me = not smart.

All I have been doing this past week (except for a few stress-buster exceptions) is study.. .

I realized that in order to pass one of my classes I need to get 80% on my exam. Which i believe I can do because I have been studying for it since last tuesday. But I am so scared that I might not because then I will have wasted all this time and effort into something completely wasted. 

Yes I know that its my own fault, but I still do not want to waste all the time when I could use it to study something else. 

But the good news is I am doing well in the rest of my classes. And I guess the upside to me failing it would be that due to all my recent studying, me retaking the course should be easier then this term.
No labs, and I already should know mostly everything.

stupid stupid me.
never ever again.
wet
lather
rinse
repeat.

This is our cycle.